


Blue Jeans, James Dean

by Asimpledotdotdot



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gangsters, Alternate Universe - Mob, Anal Sex, Angst, Diners, M/M, Songfic, lana del rey - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-23
Updated: 2014-09-23
Packaged: 2018-02-14 10:13:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,559
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2187888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Asimpledotdotdot/pseuds/Asimpledotdotdot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Dean,” his voice boomed and was it just me or did it suddenly get really hot in here? It was just me because the second our hands met, there was no going back. He had me hooked, and I wanted to feel every expanse and inch of skin on his body. I wanted to explore his beautiful figure and map out every freckle I could find, trace along them and form the many constellations that covered his body.</p><p>“Like James Dean?” I gave him my best hand shake, firm but gentle. His hand was so warm and my stomach kept fluttering like butterflies were trying to escape the confines of my body.</p><p>“I guess you could say that,” he smirked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. James Dean, For Sure

I remember when I first met Dean Winchester. I knew my world would never be the same once he walked through that door wearing those damn blue jeans. I just didn’t know it’d change this much.

**  
**

It was a cold day in December and I was wearing my favourite dark navy blue sweater, sitting at the bar in the old Roadhouse Diner. Everything was 50’s styled, from the black and white tiled floor to the red vinyl booths, clad with records on the walls and old Coca-Cola ads.  They even had an old Jukebox in the back.

It consisted of six booths along the windows, in front of the light blue bar that wrapped around to the back, where the kitchen was. The front area with the booths met with the bar along a wall that had the Jukebox. Along the other wall were metal tables with red chairs scattered about. It wasn’t much, but it was where I spent most of my time.

The owner, Ellen, was a total sweetheart. But no one ever wanted to get on her bad side after she made an example out of Azazel when she caught him making shady deals inside her diner. Most shady deals occurred out back because Ellen made a point to make the diner family friendly. She didn’t want any sketchy business going on with kids around. The shotgun above the back wall of the bar helped keep out bad company.

Until Dean Winchester showed up.

I was sitting at the bar, talking up Ellen’s daughter, Jo, one of my closest friends in the small town. I was facing the bar, laughing at something Jo had said. And then the bell above the door behind me rang, jingling to announce a new customer. But he wasn’t just any new customer, no; he was someone who would change my life forever.

Jo immediately straightened her back and practically dropped the pot of coffee she was pouring into a cup for me. Her face turned to steel but her eyes spoke of want and desire. I followed her gaze over my shoulder and that’s when I saw him.

He was tall, at least three inches taller than me. He had on a tight white tee-shirt, a leather jacket hugging his arms and back, blue denim jeans hanging low on his hips, black scuffed up boots finishing the look. His sandy brownish-blonde hair was slicked up in the front, like a penguin tuft, right above his gorgeous green eyes that sparkled gold. His jaw was set, chin cleft and slightly jutted out, lips beautiful and bowed beneath his straight nose which was speckled with freckles. Those full lips were just begging to be kissed. And that’s when I decided I would kiss them, later. Because in that second, I knew my whole world had shifted, ever so slightly, and my life would never be the same.

There was another man at his side, red plaid flannel hanging loosely over a black tee-shirt and ripped up jeans. His hair was long and dark, almost to his shoulders. He was about an inch taller than the green eyed handsome devil. He looked a little anxious and extremely tired. I figured they were just passing by, but I’m so glad I was wrong.

Green eyes met mine and I froze, jaw slightly dropped. A smile spread across his lips, one corner of his mouth tipped up, a slight show of teeth, practically sparkling with charm as he winked at me. And that was the moment he got hold of me and shook all reason from my head. Then the blue jeaned wonder strode over to me, sat down right in front of Jo, his friend on his other side, and didn’t drop his smile or his gaze, even when Jo found her voice.

“Can I get you boys anything?” A smile was plastered onto Jo’s face as she tried to maintain her composure, but she knew something I didn't. She knew who had just walked into her mother’s diner and she knew he spelled out trouble.

“Two coffee’s please, miss...” his voice was low and he trailed off as he finally looked away and up at the blonde girl. I remembered how to breathe again and took in a lungful.

“Jo. Just Jo.” Her smile turned more genuine, but her shoulders were rigid as she poured two cups.

“Well thank you, Just Jo.” He nodded as his friend finally smiled and took his cup of coffee with eagerness. Blue Jeans ripped two packets of sugar and dropped a dash of creamer before bringing the cup to his lips. He took a long sip and Jo turned around, starting another pot.

“What brings you boys here?” Jo’s voice was small but firm.

“Business, Ma’am.” The other man supplied. “Dad’s in town for business.”

“Right.” Jo managed before turning around and shooting me a look. We knew what business meant.

“I’m Sam,” the long haired boy supplied, “and this is my brother Dean. Winchester.” He offered a hand and Jo met his with a firm shake.

Ellen burst through the kitchen door then, an odd smile on her face but her eyes spoke of something else. A sad sort of kindness. “You’re John Winchester’s boys aren’t ya?” Sam looked baffled and Dean just sipped at his coffee, the cup hiding his smirk.

“Yes, Ma’am.” Sam nodded.

“Cut it with the ma’am crap,” she grinned. “It’s Ellen to you, boy. Ellen Harvelle.” They shook hands.

“If I may ask, Ellen, how do you know our father?” Sam sipped the cup, wincing at the hot liquid but soon loving the feel of it as he slowly started waking up.

“How do I know John?” She mused before continuing, choosing her words carefully. “He used to be like family. Then...” He killed my husband. But Ellen wasn’t going to point that out. We all knew the name Winchester, but it was an accident. He didn’t intentionally kill mister Harvelle, but it didn’t look good for him. “He left.” He face turned to stone, like Jo’s had before. “And that was the last I saw of him. How’s he been?”

Dean finally spoke up. “Good. He’s been good. Thanks for asking.”

Then Ash appeared against the kitchen door jamb. “Ellen?” He asked as his hair fell to the side with the tilt of his head. “Can I borrow you a sec?”

“Sorry, boys, gotta cut this short. You tell your father to stop by. We’ve got some unfinished business to discuss.” And that’s all she said before disappearing behind the door.

Jo bustled about behind the counter and Dean turned to me.

“You from around here?” Those green eyes were flecked with hazel brown and gold. I could see them so clearly in the light now.

I simply nodded before I finally managed to sip my lukewarm coffee.

“You don’t talk much, do you?” His brow rose up, eyes staring me down. I could never get tired of looking into those eyes. And I knew at that moment I’d find myself staring into them on more than one occasion.

I found my voice. “I’m not usually at such a loss for words.” Dean smirked as I spoke.

“I’ve got you at a loss for words?” His devious smirk did things to me, made my chest tighten and stomach flutter.

“Damn, straight,” I grinned finally and he offered out his hand.

“Dean,” his voice boomed and was it just me or did it suddenly get really hot in here? It was just me because the second our hands met, there was no going back. He had me hooked, and I wanted to feel every expanse and inch of skin on his body. I wanted to explore his beautiful figure and map out every freckle I could find, trace along them and form the many constellations that covered his body.

“Like James Dean?” I gave him my best hand shake, firm but gentle. His hand was so warm and my stomach kept fluttering like butterflies were trying to escape the confines of my body.

“I guess you could say that,” he smirked.

“Castiel,” I managed, remembering it was polite to offer your name when meeting someone for the first time.

He raised his eyebrows before his hand left mine and I instantly missed the touch. I’d never felt this way, never felt like someone had so much control over me, like I would do anything, _anything_ , to feel those lips on mine. “What are you doing tonight, Cas?”

I smiled and blushed at the nickname. Was this gorgeous green eyed James Dean going to ask me out? Me? A simple pastor’s son? Damn, I was going to go to hell for this. “I’m supposed to meet with some friends for some beers, but I was gonna ditch ‘em anyway.”

“You think you could show me around? Ya see, I’m new here, and I'd like to get to know the town. Every inch of it.” He licked his lower lip and I shuffled in my seat. He wasn’t talking about the town, that much I was sure of. And I knew I couldn't say no to him. He had me under his spell and I didn't mind one bit.

“Castiel, put some music on?” Jo interrupted, thinking she could save me the trouble Dean would obviously bring. But she was too late.

I smiled and headed over to the jukebox. I knew what Jo expected so I put on some Rihanna, and her voice came over the speakers, Umbrella playing. Jo smiled as she left her post and joined me on the floor.

“I am not dancing, Jo,” I grumbled. She just smiled before taking my hand and trying to get me to move.

“What is this shit?” Dean eyed me and dammit my stomach was bursting with butterflies.

“I grew up on this ‘shit’, thank you very much.” I offered playfully.

“He’s more of a punk rock kind of guy,” Sam offered with a knowing grin.

“ _Classic_ rock, bitch.” Dean shook his head at his brother.

“Jerk,” was all Sam muttered before Dean was striding over to the jukebox, flipping through the records.

A guitar came in and Dean turned around, eyes glinting.

“Now how you going to dance to this?” Jo asked as she pulled away and sat on the counter next to Sam, eyes watching my every move.

“May I?” Dean asked.

_There is a house in New Orleans_

Dean reached his hand out for mine and I took it without thinking. He pulled me in, bodies flushed, one hand on my hip, the other still holding my hand. I rested my free hand on his shoulder and he laughed at my nervous grip. The beautiful sound eased my nerves and he took the first step backward and I followed.

_They call the Rising Sun_

He held me close, eyes digging into mine and the rest of the world just melted away until it was just the two of us, ballroom dancing to The Animals.

“And it’s been the ruin of many a poor boy,” Dean sang, raising his voice to match the music. It wasn’t spot on but it was damn close and it was a beautiful sound. He pulled away, spinning me and my body just followed the music until I was pulled back to Dean as he sang right to me, “And God, I know I’m one.”

We danced around the small area, Dean leading the steps, back and forth and to the side and I got lost in him, in his touch and I wouldn’t want to trade it for the world. But it was already too late because I had just traded my world for him the second I took his hand to dance.

_My father was a gambling man_

“It’s funny because my father is a gambler.” I found myself muttering.

“He is, is he?” Dean’s voice was grave and his eyes suddenly filled with worry. “What’s his name?”

“If I told you, I'd have to kill you.” I joked.

“That’s my line,” he said all too seriously.

“I know,” and he squinted at my words. We were still moving to the rhythm, but the song was far away. “I’m not stupid, Dean. I know what ‘business’ means.” His eyes grew wide and then a question was on his lips.

“Yet you’re still dancing with me,” he stated rather than asked. He was about to pull away in disbelief but I pulled him closer, our chests touching as we stepped to the side.

I laughed lightly. “Of course I am,” I shook my head.

Oh mother tell your children not to do what I have done

He just continued on in surprise until the song slowly faded and we were moving in silence.

“Your brother always do this?” Jo asked quietly from behind.

“Usually he’d be dancing with you, but he decided to surprise us today.” Sam answered and Jo scoffed.

“I can hear ya, you know,” Dean sounded slightly flustered as he turned his head and we were brought back to reality, his hand slipping from mine and our bodies fell away from each other. I missed it instantly but soon my cheeks were red as Jo’s eyes were boring into me and I was suddenly burning up and needing to get out of the small diner.

“We still on for tonight?” Dean asked as he saw me starting to leave.

“Meet me in the parking lot at six.” Was all I managed before I pulled out a few bills to pay for my coffee. I had to get going home; mom wanted me to help clean up the house. Dean nodded and then I was rushing out the door, unable to stop myself because I had to get out of there before I spontaneously combusted. Because I knew I was falling for him, and I was on the fast track to Hell.

**  
**

I was standing outside the diner when Dean walked up. There was a hotel just around the corner next to the diner. He had come from there, I reasoned and he was wearing more layers as it got colder at night. I had on a few jackets over my sweater. He greeted me with a smile before sidling up next to me, his arm wrapping around my waist and pulling me in. For warmth, was what I told myself.

“Wanna grab some beers first?” I asked and he nodded eagerly as we walked toward the diner. It was empty save for a few old guys sipping whiskey. Diner by day and bar by night. I found Jo and she eyed us. “Two beers?” And with an eyes roll she nodded.

After we sat down and Jo brought us some beers and sauntered away, I asked Dean stupidly, “So may I ask why you danced with me instead of that pretty young thing?” Jo heard and laughed as she tended to another patron.

Dean laughed as well. “Your eyes.” He said simply. “You’re different, not like these other bitches I meet in each new town. You’re... something else, Cas.” And God if I hadn’t already fallen in love with him. “You know most of the truth about what I do, and you’re still here, knocking back beers with me. I don’t know, Cas. Don’t give me a reason to regret it though.”

“Believe me, you won't regret it.” I murmured before I was staring into the empty bottle and ushering Jo for another round.

After a few beers we were buzzing slightly and I wanted to get out of here, wanted to go someplace with Dean and memorize the contours and planes of his face.

I pulled out some bills but Dean insisted as he paid Jo for the beers.

“Be careful, Castiel. Take good care of him, Dean. If he so much as has one scratch on him, I will personally kick your ass. And don't think I won't.” She glared at Dean who just smiled at her bad-assery. This was why I loved Jo. She was the best friend ever and she always took care of me. But she better not try and cockblock even if she has good intentions.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of him, I promise.” And I knew he meant those words. We walked out and he had his arm around my waist once again.

He leaned over and his breath was extremely hot on my ear, slightly smelling of alcohol, but it was a sweet and delicious scent. The air turned white as he spoke. “So where you taking me first?” And a shiver ran up my spine, not from the cold air or buzz of alcohol, but from his words.

“I was thinking showing you the old drive-in movie theatre, but now I’m thinking the empty box cars next to the train tracks.” I started walking and Dean matched my strides.

“Whichever has more privacy,” and yes, I was definitely going to Hell for this.

We got to the train tracks just in time for the lights to start flashing, signalling an incoming train. It was a ways off. Dean got this huge grin on his face and turned to me once I had crossed the tracks. He stayed there, in the middle.

“What are you doing?” I breathed, looking at the far away train.

“What’s it look like?” More chills went down my spine as I realised just exactly what he was doing. I used to do it when I was a kid, but it kind of got boring about a year ago. “Come on, Cas.”

I don't know how, but I found myself standing next to him, grabbing the hand he held out for me. Whether it was a sudden rush of alcohol induced bravery or the jolt that travelled through my body at his touch, I was facing the oncoming train with Dean. And it was coming closer. And closer.

And closer.

It blared its horn once it saw us and it got too close for comfort and I stepped away, tugging on Dean’s hand. He was like a statue. He wouldn’t move. “Dean!” I yelled.

Nothing. It was closer, about two box cars away.

“Dean!” This time I screamed because the train was about one car away, and it wasn’t losing any speed. The blood was rushing through my ears, over the sound of the blaring train rushing towards us. “Dean!” And at the last moment he jumped out of the way, toppling me as I tugged him hastily.

I lost my footing with the new weight against me and we rolled onto the ground, down the slight hill until I finally made sense of what had happened. He rolled off onto his back laughing loudly. I just stared at him, head turned to the side to see his laughing eyes, my pulse speeding like a race horse.

He turned his head to meet me and all the adrenaline and alcohol in the both of us stopped our brains from thinking, our lungs from filling with air, because suddenly our lips were meeting and it tasted wonderful. His lips were chapped and rough but their touch was so gentle and smooth and warm. When we pulled apart and our brains reminded our lungs how to work, we just stared into each other’s eyes. His greens were blown wide with lust and I’m sure mine were no better.

I stood up and pulled Dean to his feet before turning, still holding his hand, and leading him to the box cars. The entire train had passed by the time we got to the cart. I hopped in and offered my other hand, helping him up. Once he was standing, he pulled out his lighter and was met with a small room, words and graffiti scattered across the walls, pillows and blankets folded up in the corners with a sleeping bag or two, clean because I had just washed them, knowing the things that go on in this place. I tended to keep the place clean because my friends used it often. Candles and books and shelves were all around. I shut the car door, it squealed as it shut and my muscles in my arms were suddenly exhausted, but the adrenaline was still keeping me going.

“This is The Shed,” I finally muttered once he had lit a few of the candles, placing them on shelves to illuminate the large box car. I had actually just cleaned up the car because I was planning on taking him here. But I was in a hurry so it was still basically the way we always left it after hanging around. There were bean bags in the corners, ashes and magazines across the floor. Tons of cigarette butts and the faint smell of smoke hung in the air. Not dense enough to be disgusting. Just enough to be delicious and enticing and then Dean was tugging on my hand.

I knew that if I followed him to the blankets and pillows, there was no turning back, that I’d fall right into his trap and forever be at his mercy. I knew I’d never love anyone else because no one had ever sent such a jolt through my body with only words. No one had ever slow danced with me to The Animals. No one had stood in front of a train, so stupidly brave, with me before. No one had made my heart pound so hard in my life.

“I hate you,” I mumbled as I followed him. The adrenaline was still rushing through my veins and it took all of me not to jump him right then and there.

“You love me,” he joked. And yeah. I kind of did. Unless that was just the beer talking. But I didn't think it was.

“You’re such an idiot.” I was now standing right in front of him, my body flush with his. He took a step, closing the space between us. I looked up into those green eyes, looking for the answer, the answer to everything, and I found them in those golden flecks.

“But you like it,” he responded, voice low, barely a whisper. Then his hands were on my hips, meeting at the small of my back and he pulled me in as his head tilted down and I met his lips once more.

My wall came crashing down; my life fell away before me as I tangled my fingers in the boy’s hair. I knew he was trouble but I could care less. Those damn blue jeans and beautiful green eyes, hell if I wouldn’t fall for him. I pulled him down, needing more of those lips, needing more of him.

Then I was against the wall and his hands were travelling up my sides, slinking beneath my first jacket and soon it was unzipped and falling off. In the dim light I could see his lust blown eyes and they screamed desire and damn did I sure have one hell of a desire only he could fill.

I fumbled at his larger jacket, soon revealing his leather one from before. My hands travelled down his neck and chest and up over his shoulders, shrugging it off. We were both down to a single shirt and sweater and our lips crashed against each other in need, the air full of want and light cigarette smoke. His hips pushed into mine and I could feel his erection rub against mine through his blue jeans. I wanted them off, now.

I tugged at his tee shirt and it was soon on the ground, followed by my sweater. Dean paused, pulling away and I found his green eyes sweeping over my chest and arms and body. I absently sucked in my breath, bit my lip, hoping he’d accept me and not turn away and reject me. Instead his hoarse voice spoke.

“Gorgeous,” and then his lips were on my neck, sucking bruises and nipping at the soft skin. His nails raked over my chest and I stifled a moan as a nail dragged across my nipple, and damn did he feel amazing.

His fingers played at the button on my jeans the same time I found myself unzipping him. We shrugged out of our pants, kicked off our shoes, pulled out a sleeping bag and blankets and fell down onto each other, a tangle of limbs, an adrenaline induced heat on our skin as we became so tangled and lost in each together we lost track of time.

We found ourselves under the blankets, hands furiously searching every inch of skin we could. His fingers were like licks of fire, tantalizing and hot on my skin but not burning, not hot enough yet. I needed more and I needed him.

“Dean,” I moaned between gasps as he sucked dark bruises onto my lower abdomen before trailing his tongue back up and nibbling on my ear. Another moan escaped and his eyes darkened as he suddenly felt something beneath the blanket. He sat up, straddling my waist and eyed the bottle he found.

“You planned on this, didn't you?” His eyes were wide but then a smile appeared on his lips. “You wanted this all along?” He sounded so surprised, like he thought no one could ever want him.

I blushed because _shit_ , he found the lube I had hidden between the blankets. “I, uh,” I tried to form a sentence. “Yeah, I wanted this ever since I first laid eyes on you, Dean.” And the genuine smile, a _smile_ not some smirk, on his face took away my breath as he set it aside and reached down to kiss me, slower, letting the passion build until every fibre in my body was screaming his name.

“ _Dean_ ,” I moaned once more when his lips encircled my nipple, taking the nub between his teeth and I just gasped and moaned like some fish out of water. He pinned me down as I bucked up my hips. His lips were suddenly pulling off my boxers, teeth grazing my thighs before he tugged at his own and I found myself toppling him, taking the lead and kissing his bare inner thighs before licking his length and circling my tongue over his head. The moans and whimpers he let out almost made me come, but I wanted to make him come undone even more. And all I wanted right now was him inside me.

“Dean, I want you.” I moaned before taking him inside my mouth. He groaned before he pulled me off of his dick. I mumbled, “I want you inside me,” and he let out a strangled moan of my name as he pulled me down on top of him before rolling on top of me.

He growled, “Hands and knees,” and I obeyed. I heard the bottle open and then felt nibbles and bites on my ass before a wet finger traced my hole, threatening to enter. And when it did, I mewled at the slow burn as Dean inched his finger in past the first knuckle. Then he slid it in and out, stretching me slightly. He made sure I was ready before I felt another finger as he scissored me and I leaned back onto his fingers, wanting him inside me so badly.

“Dean, I, _fuck,_ I’m ready!” I insisted but he wouldn’t let up. Maybe he would just take me like this, finger fucking me into oblivion.

“I don’t want to hurt you, Cas,” and his words brought back that flutter, momentarily pushing the intensity and heat in my stomach away.

But it soon returned when he added a third finger and I was growing impatient. He crooked his fingers and brushed my prostate and _holy fucking shit_ “ _Dean_!”

After he was satisfied with his stretching he slicked up his cock. “I don’t have a condom,” he muttered, silently cursing.

“S’kay, I’m clean. You?”

“Yeah, I’m clean, Cas. You sure?” He asked as he eased me onto my back. I gave him a nod and then a questioning look. “I wanna see you when I do this, Cas.” That made me smile small and helped ease my legs over his shoulders, that flutter beating up a storm behind my ribs. Then his devious smirk appeared as he leaned down and whispered in my ear, “I wanna watch you come apart as I fuck you ‘till you can’t see straight.” His slick cock then pushed into me and I threw my head back as I yelled out his name.

He grunted, slowly pushing in all the way. He was panting heavily and then bit down on my shoulder. Hard. I fucking _mewled_ and he buried his face in my neck, sucking and biting and groaning into me as he waited until I adjusted to his length.

“Jesus, Cas, you’re so fucking tight. You ever done this before?” I shook my head. He snapped up. “Are you okay? Am I hurting you?” His worry made me laugh.

“I’m fine Dean. You can _move_ now,” I groaned because he did, he moved out and slowly pushed back in, making sure I was comfortable with it. After about four thrusts I was used to it and he lifted my waist, hands in an iron grip around my hips as he pulled all the way out, looked me right in the eyes before he pounded into me, hitting my prostate at the angle. “ _Holy fucking—shit, Dean!”_ I screamed, my voice cracking as I lost my breath and he groaned as he started up a steady, fast, rhythm of pounding deep into me, skin against skin echoing in the room.

I moaned and he groaned and together we created a heated symphony of grunts and growls. He kept hitting my sweet spot and I kept coming undone, his green eyes holding mine, desire and passion burning bright.

I was so close. So fucking close but not there, not quite there yet. I just needed a little push, a little something extra, a little—

“Come for me, Cas,” and then I was gone, come spurting onto my stomach as I clenched around Dean, making him go crazy and come in return, our orgasms racking our bodies with pleasure until we were limp in each other’s arms, tangled and sweaty and sticky.

 

And that was the first time I gave all of myself over to Dean. And he took every inch of me with a devious grin and an overpowering want in his gaze. But there was a trace of affection, and when I found myself over the edge, I breathed the words all teenagers do, breathlessly muttering, “I fucking love you,” and he only smiled, nodded his head and leaned down to meet my lips before I fell asleep, oddly safe and secure in the arms of the boy whose middle name was Trouble.

And yeah, I knew in that moment I was so totally going to Hell. But so help me God, if I wasn't going to drag Dean down with me.

**  
**


	2. Big Dreams, Gangster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean’s eyes spilled a tear and he reached over and kissed me deep and tender. It lasted a few moments before he pulled back with a promise in his eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow. And if I’m not, I’ll be back as soon as I can be. I can’t stay away from you for too long, you know that.” He chuckled softly, wiping away a stray tear I didn’t know I had shed. I knew he meant well and I knew there was no changing his mind. But his next words were the real surprise.

Then things changed once again when Gordon Walker came through the door.

We were dancing to the jukebox, Sam talking up a pretty brunette named Sarah that I knew from down the street. Dean and I had been going steady for a few weeks as his dad settled in town, The Hunters taking up shop and watching over the small town. We were grateful. They helped out the townspeople, helped businesses stay afloat, watched out for everyone like they were family. Ellen had convinced John to pay his dues and now he was helping out with getting the town on its feet again, restoring it to its previously glory.

Dean knew how devoted I was to him and he knew how much I loved him. He knew I would never love another and I would wait for him no matter what. He didn't say it, but the look in his eyes confirmed my suspicions, that he loved me just as much. Jo said it was just young love, nothing real, but it was definitely real. All those nights Dean stayed with me and helped rebuild the church after that fire... Dean was suddenly consuming my world and everything around me. People said he was trouble, but all I saw was good.

But I knew a day would come when Dean Winchester would have to leave, but I didn’t expect it to be so soon.

A short man by the name of Gordon Walker opened the door as Dean spun me around, his friends sitting in the booths cheering us on.

I stopped dead in my tracks and the laughter died down. Suddenly Dean was standing in front of me, arm out protectively.

“What do you want?” He growled at the man. “You have no right to be here.” And he didn’t. This was ‘Hunter’ territory. And we were okay with that. But Gordon had hooked up with Azazel and they had started their own gang or whatthefuckever they wanted to call themselves. They weren’t helping anyone with their ways, only stirring up trouble and bringing drugs into the game. They were filth. Scum.

Gordon raised his hands in mock innocent as I bared my teeth. I hated him. He had given me so much hell throughout high school but that was over now. This was the real game, this was real life and he couldn't fuck with me anymore. Not if Dean could stop it.

“I just want to talk, Winchester.” Sure he just wanted to talk. He had been trying to join Dean and get this new drug out onto the street. Dean refused. And when Dean’s brother Sam had come home with bruises from a beating he received from Azazel, Dean had a price out for Gordon’s head. Not actually, but he wouldn’t miss the chance to return the favour and give him a good kick in the ass.

“Dean,” his friend Garth warned as Dean had his hand reaching for a switchblade. “Not here,” he reasoned. Dean relaxed a little, but stared down the man at the door.

“You have five minutes before we take this outback and I kick your ass.” Gordon simply nodded as Dean sat at a booth with him. I found Jo at the counter and the place was quiet for a few minutes before she told someone to play some music to calm everyone’s nerves. The place immediately returned to its good vibes and pleasant surroundings.

“So, what do you think they’re talking about?” Jo asked casually.

“Whatever it is, it’s bad news.” Sam piped in. He had warned Sarah to leave but she was a strong girl and laughed at his request. She sat at his side as Jo poured some water for us.

“Who does he think he is, walking in here like he owns the place?” I mused, anger in my tone.

“He’s just a jackass, a danger to anyone and everyone. You can’t trust that bastard.” Ellen joined the conversation, setting down some cups behind the counter.

“What’s his deal, anyway?” Sarah asked cautiously, knowing certain questions shouldn't be asked in public. But we were safe with The Hunters.

“Him and Azazel, you know, the guy mom kicked out a few months back? They started up this new drug called Croatoan or something.” Her tone was hushed.

“Four overdoses in the past week.” Sam growled, glaring at the man talking up his brother.

“Four?” I asked, shocked. “I only heard of two.”

“Yeah, Katie was found two days ago with the stuff. And the cops interrupted a party at a farm a few miles away. They found traces of the drug around the barn. Then they found Victor. Dead.” Jo’s voice caught in her throat. She was really close with Victor and she didn't believe for a second he had done the drugs willingly. Azazel always hated Victor but I didn't think it was enough to kill the guy. But Jo thought otherwise. “If I didn’t know better, I'd say the asshole was killed. That drug is bad news, like Gordon, and if you ask me? They’re just trying to make a quick buck. No matter who gets hurt in the process.” Ellen rubbed her back and Sam reached out his hand to meet Jo’s.

“I won't let him hurt anyone else. I’m gonna shut them down and get that drug off the street.” Sam assured and Jo simply nodded.

Then Gordon was walking out _shaking Dean’s hand_ before Dean walked over to our little group.

Sam instantly got to his feet. “What was that?” he snapped and Dean eyed me before dragging his brother away and, he thought, out of earshot, but I strained to hear their conversation.

“He said he’d pull the plug her if I helped him out with some sales up state.” Dean was apprehensive about it, I could see that, but he was also slightly giddy. Like the thrill was getting to him.

“No, Dean. No. You are not—“

“It’s for a day. I’ll be back tomorrow. And you know I’d do anything to keep these streets clean.” His eyes wandered over to me but I pretend to be chatting with Sarah.

“But risking another’s city’s streets? Really Dean?” Sam was unhappy and scowling at his older brother.

“Sammy,” and that was the end of the discussion.

Dean pulled me aside later that day and we drove out to a field about a mile from town.

“Gordon offered me a good deal to keep this town safe. And there’s good money. I could save up and get you out of here and we could go live somewhere far away from this life.” He sounded so hopeful as he held my hand and looked into my eyes. His greens were watery, but Dean Winchester didn't cry in front of people.

But I still begged him, “No, please, stay here, we don’t need money!” We didn't. And as much as I’d love to elope with him and run away from everything, we couldn't. “We can still make it all work.”

But Dean bit his lip and shook his head. “It’s not just that. I need... I need an escape from all this...”

“Dean, that’s not an escape... that’s just getting into it more!” I tried to talk sense into him but it was no use. He would be leaving no matter what.

“Castiel, I need to start over, I need to clear this up and get rid of Gordon and Azazel once and for all. You wouldn’t understand.” He sighed, turning his head away.

I rolled my eyes but approached him gently. I lifted one hand to his face and turned him towards me. “I will always love you, till the end of time, no matter what you choose. Dean, I trust you. You’ll always have me, I promise you that much.”

Dean’s eyes spilled a tear and he reached over and kissed me deep and tender. It lasted a few moments before he pulled back with a promise in his eyes. “I’ll be back tomorrow. And if I’m not, I’ll be back as soon as I can be. I can’t stay away from you for too long, you know that.” He chuckled softly, wiping away a stray tear I didn’t know I had shed. I knew he meant well and I knew there was no changing his mind. But his next words were the real surprise. “Castiel, I love you, and I always will.”

And he gave me something. He pulled off his necklace that I knew Sam had given him so many Christmases ago. He took it and fastened it around my neck. Before I could protest he tucked it beneath my shirt and kissed me once more. “You know I'd do anything for you, babe.” I nodded and he started the car, driving back to town.

 

“Promise you’ll remember that you’re mine. Say you’ll remember.” I was biting back tears. He was packing his car with his bags and we both knew he was packing in case he was needed longer. And we both hated that thought.

Dean simply nodded and added, “I could never forget you and your beautiful blue eyes. I’ll be back before you know it, babe.” And he smiled before kissing my lips and getting into his car.

He sped away into the sunset, down the stretch of black. And then the tears fell freely as I curled into a ball on the side of the curb.

That was the last I saw of him for awhile. He didn't come back on Monday like he had promised. He never came back.

Later that night I paced back and forth in my room, waiting and waiting for him to show up. I didn't get any sleep as I waited through the rest of the day, waited through Monday, pacing through the tears knowing he wouldn’t show. And it just about killed me.

About two months after he left, the drug was off the street and Sam was assuring Jo and me that it was gone for good.

“Have you heard from him?” I couldn't help but ask.

Sam bit his lip and shook his head, obviously just as hurt from not hearing from his brother.

“He’s a big boy. I'm sure he’s alright.” Ellen chirped as she passed by to tend to a noisy table in the back.

“Mom’s right,” Jo agreed. “Dean’s good at what he does. He’s doing this because he thinks it’s best.” I nodded. I knew that. I was fine with that. I was perfectly okay with him following his street dreams, but I wanted to be by his side so badly. I couldn't stand the ache he had left in my heart. It burned red hot and then ice cold when I would lie in my bed alone, thinking of Dean Winchester and his damn blue jeans that had changed my life. I would hold onto the amulet he had given me, and prayed to whatever god would listen to keep him safe.

The only thing that got me to sleep at night was the memory of the first day we met, all those months ago, and of his soft lips on mine.

I started working at the diner with Jo, The Hunters still watching over the town with Sam calling the shots. They weren't bad guys. They weren't trouble. But they rained down hell upon anyone who dared mess with the small town.

John Winchester had owed Ellen a favour and this was how he repaid his debt to her kindness and forgiveness. Sam took to her like a second mother since his had died long ago before he was raised in a life he never wanted. But the sense of protection he brought the town was enough for him to stay with us, even with Dean off, God knew where.

We never saw Gordon or Azazel again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is heavily based off of Lane Del Rey's song "Blue Jeans".
> 
> This is my fic, but I do not take credit for the characters of Supernatural or the heavy inspiration and dialogue of "Blue Jeans"


	3. Chasing Paper

Then Lilith came to town.

It had been almost four years since I had last seen Dean driving down the highway and out of my life. In that time the only news I heard was from passerby's, rumours of him starting up an empire out in New York. I heard he had gotten caught up in the game, taken by greed. I knew it wasn't like him, but when Lilith showed, I finally had a good lead on where he was and enough money saved up from working at the diner and with The Hunters.

I had joined Sam and helped keep track of the books and how money came in and out of their accounts. Sam knew how much I missed Dean and when I was meeting up with the new player in town, she told me exactly what I needed to know.

Her blonde hair shined in the headlights from the car. She and her girls were standing outside an old factory, waiting to make an exchange with The Hunters. They called themselves The Hounds, a bunch of biker chicks. The bad kind. They promised not to stir up trouble in the town for the right price. I had figured a good price to keep them from causing trouble and Sam had gathered it up.

A few places had offered to pay The Hunters for their protection. The Hunters never pushed though, because the town really did mean everything to them. Even if people missed their payments, they'd make up for it with hospitality and favours. They weren't the kind of group to bite the hand that fed them. And neither was the town. There was a mutual respect.

"You got the money?" Lilith's voice was smooth and seductive. Sam brought out a briefcase and she looked through it, one of her girls making sure everything was good. "It looks like everything's set."

"If you go back on our deal, nothing will hold me back from returning the favour." Sam growled. He didn't like the girl. He had heard of her and she had a reputation for destroying whatever was in her path, gambling and drying out towns resources.

"Scouts honour," she winked. "I could never betray a Winchester. Your brother's really making a name for himself, ya know." Sam's eyes widened in the dim light as did mine. She knew something about Dean.

"What do you know about him?" I asked carefully, unsure if I should trust what she said.

"Well, he's up in New York, really big business he's got going. Owns half of Manhattan." She paused with a chilling smile. "Go to the nightclub, Heaven's Fallen and ask for Ruby. She'll show you a good time." She turned to leave. "Oh and of course show you where Dean is." Lilith's smile was cruel and bitter but her words were true. "He's been chasing paper, caught up in the game. But I guess that's Dean Winchester for you."

Once she was out of town I talked to Sam. I told him I was leaving to go find Dean and I'd let him know when I did find him. Sam wasn't too keen on the idea and neither was mom. She had already lost dad the year before and she wasn't about to lose her only son.

With some goodbyes and mixed feelings from Jo, she gathered me in a hug and whispered, "You find Dean and then get your ass back here, ya hear?"

"Yes, ma'am," I smiled and kissed her cheek before getting in my packed car and driving off, the moon and headlights my only guide through the night.

When I finally arrived in New York, it was bustling and busy. It was roughly 9 pm when I pulled up to the club Lilith had mentioned only days ago. Heaven's Fallen was lit up and loud, music beating like the heartbeat of the city. I parked and made sure I had a sufficient amount of money in my wallet before I met the bouncer.

He gave me a once over shook his head then looked down at his list. 

"Name?" The man's voice was low, hoarse like a smoker's.

I knew I wouldn't be on the list but I tried anyway. "Castiel Novak." My voice surprised me, authority and demand laced beneath the gravel. 

The man straightened up but shook his head. I fished the amulet from beneath my shirt and started fiddling with it, thinking of what else I could do. The bouncer cleared his throat as his eyes widened. He looked at the amulet then back to me. 

He stepped to the side and ushered me in. Then the door was opening and I was greeted with loud music and flashing lights.

I stepped in and coughed at the smoke that hung in the air. I gathered myself and headed to the crowded bar, got a beer from a gorgeous blonde and managed to ask a few questions.

"Pretty busy, huh?" I yelled over the music as the crowd dwindled and headed for the dance floor. I wasn't used to such noise. I used to live for this music but ever since I met dean it had been classic rock and punk when I could choose.

"Yeah. You're not from around here, are ya?" She kept her voice level, somehow louder than the music, but she kept her cool. Her blonde hair fell past her shoulders. She had on a low cut tank and a leather vest over it. The bruises on her knuckles suggested she was a player. Maybe she knew Lilith. Or that Ruby girl.

"No, I'm not actually." I decided to ask the question that had been burning in my mind. "You know a girl by the name of Ruby?"

Her eyes widened and she sunk down before me, elbows on the bar and hissed with a finger twirling my hair, "Who's asking?"

"Castiel Novak." The name didn't register. "Lilith sent me." She barked out a laugh.

"What's that bitch want now? She send you to do her dirty work?" This must be Ruby.

"She said you could help me find someone." Her brows lifted and she leaned back in. "Dean Winchester."

Realization dawned upon her face and she slammed my face down on the table top, her other hand twisting my arm back. "What do you want with him?"

I had to resist twisting out of her hold and punching her in the jaw. She let go soon and I realized she saw the amulet. Her hands fell away and she smirked. I coughed and shook out my arm, no one paying us any attention.

"You're him. You're the guy." They guy? She read my expression and was suddenly talking up the other bartender and slipping off her apron before appearing at my side. "You're Dean's guy."

"Umm..." was all I could manage as she tugged on my arm, heading to the back where two extremely tough looking men stood. She batted her lashes and winked and they allowed us back, apparently she had her own reasons to be allowed back here.

"Yeah. He never said your name, didn't want anyone coming after you or nothing." She mumbled as she led me up the stairs. "He only mentioned the amulet, saying that if we saw one that it was you and to bring you to him." That answered the other question bouncing around my head, where were we going?

She stopped outside double doors and then slinked in quietly. The men on the other side of the room didn't notice her, entranced by two dancing girls. It wasn't a strip club, but I guess there were more things that went on upstairs. That was usually the case. She led me down the hallway, passing a few doors, or offices, or something. I didn't know. 

She led me to another open area, like the dance floor downstairs, but this was more private, tables set up alongside the walls, a bar in the corner. VIP area I guessed. One hell of a VIP area, if anyone asked me.

And that's when I saw him. Hand on his gun as he sat down tense in a large booth. A man was sitting on the other side, and it looked like he was trying to make a deal with Dean. The same green eyes sparkled gold under the blue lighting with a glint of anger in them. He was wearing a leather jacket over a white tee like all those years ago. And he had on blue jeans and black boots. Dean was there, in front of me, arguing with some man, but he was there. I had finally found Dean.

"I said get out," I heard Dean's familiar voice growl. Then butterflies were in my stomach. And my chest was aching because there was the man I loved, so close yet so far away.

"All I'm saying is-" The guy tried to reason but he stopped when a large man stood next to him ready to escort him out. Ruby pushed me and suddenly I was walking towards them. Where my sudden bravery came from, I could only think was the instinct to protect my own, and claim my territory.

"You should probably leave," I said, ignoring Dean's snapped up head, eyes wide and jaw gaping. "If the man said go, then you should go." I paused, met those twinkling green eyes, and added, "He's a little busy at the moment, anyway." And then I slinked my arm around Dean's waist, sitting next to him like I had been there the whole time and the man grudgingly got up and stormed out.

A triumphant smile spread across my lips before I turned my head to the speechless Dean. His eyes were searching me up and down like it was a dream or a hallucination and he had to make sure I was real.

"Hi, Dean," I whispered before taking his face in my hands and after staring into his green orbs I met his lips to communicate four years worth of pent up anger and emotion and worry.

Both our jackets were off when Dean finally found words. "Castiel."

"Were you expecting someone else?" I grinned and he pulled me in for a crushing hug. My back cracked beneath his hold.

"I can't believe it's actually you." He whispered in my ear, his voice cracking. And here I thought he was just moving on from me.

"You never came back," I found myself saying through tears. I couldn't hold them back and my brave facade was failing me. "I've missed you so much. You promised, you remember? And you never came back."

"Shh, I'm here now." He soothed as he was trying to work through his own tears. When he finally pulled away, he held my shoulders and cupped my cheek, wiping away any leftover tears. "I'm so sorry, Cas." And I knew he meant it. His eyes were full of guilt and pain and I couldn't stand that.

"You had to do what you had to do," I tried to assure the both of us. He just shook his head, still trying to grasp the idea of me being in his arms.

"Sir?" A booming voice shattered the glass encasing the precious moment.

"What?" Dean tried to sound civil but it came out as a growl.

"Crowley's here." Dean straightened up immediately.

"Let him into my office, and I'll be there in a minute." He ordered and the muscled man hurried off down the hall. Ruby had long gone back downstairs and it was just the two of us and the man tending the small bar. "Castiel, I have to go to this meeting. This guy's... boss man. But I don't want you to go-"

"Dean," I smiled softly, holding his face in my hands. "I'm not going anywhere." I lightly shook my head. "I promise."

"Alright, it should be a half hour at the most. Just, stay tight okay, babe?" He kissed my lips before disappearing down the hall, all confidence and business.

"Okay," I mumbled to the empty space he left before me. "Okay."

My mind started wondering to everything that had happened. I had finally found Dean, the one person I could ever love, and he was just as happy to see me. But he was head of a large business that I was not a part of. I was an outsider. Dean had been away for two years, two years that weren't spent by my side. For all I knew he could have a girlfriend, or boyfriend, or be married. That wasn't in Dean's nature though. But I knew even if he loved me all this time, he still had girls or guys he'd see when he got lonely. I wasn't that special. Dean wouldn't have waited all this time for me. He didn't come back, and that was a definite sign he had left me in his past, not planning on seeing me ever again.

And that just about killed me.

He had made a name for himself, followed his big dreams and was sitting atop the throne of New York City. He had left be behind, me and his brother and father and friends. I wasn't special. He didn't just leave me-he left everyone. I couldn't take it personally.

But that didn't stop my fists from clenching and my teeth from digging into my lip until I tasted iron. And salt as tears streamed hot like fire against my cheeks.

He could forget me, but I could never forget him, or his damn blue jeans, or lips sweet with alcohol. I couldn't forget him even if I tried.

A gentle hand was suddenly on my shoulder and I looked up to meet Ruby's gaze.

"Hey," she whispered softly.

"Hey," I chuckled darkly, wiping at my eyes. She sat in the booth, in the seat across from me.

It was quiet for a while. Then she spoke up.

"You know he's been waiting for you to come out here?" She nodded when I frowned in confusion. "He'd ask every day, 'did the man in the amulet come by?' and he'd always get the same answer." I shook my head in frustration. Did he really? Did he really wait for me? For four years? "He waited and waited until finally he couldn't take it." I figured. I didn't know if this was what I needed to hear right now. "He tried to forget you, poor guy was hopeless. He would have dates and all that jazz, but he never took anyone back home, or upstairs," she nodded her head around. "I guess he couldn't be with anyone that wasn't you. As hard as he tried." She rolled her eyes. "He even sent me away one night. Me," she emphasized, throwing her hair behind her shoulder as she rolled her eyes. "You ruined him for anyone. He had these hearts in his eyes when he told me to leave. These sad little hearts. He was still in love with you. Still is, if you ask me."

I couldn't believe her words. I tilted my head to the side, squinted my eyes, weighing the truth in her words.

"So stop with the worrying. The guy in the other room? He's waited for two years. He'd wait for a million years if it meant he got to be with you. So quit it. That man," she gestured down the hall behind her. "That man loves you."

I let out a staggered breath and looked down at my fists. I let go and placed them on the table top. Ruby reached her hand out and rubbed the back of mine. Was she being serious? Did Dean really fail when he tried to forget me? Did he still love me as much as I loved him?

"Hey babe, let's get out of here." Dean was suddenly at my side, whispering in my ear.

I only managed a broken, "Okay," before I was following him down the stairs and through the noisy club.

We were outside my car when Dean leaned in for a kiss. He was hungry and carnivorous as his lips attacked mine. He pushed me against my car, hands roaming my sides, sliding beneath the fabric. And that fire he started all those years ago was re-lit and burning hot inside of me.

When his lips moved to my neck, I muttered, "Meeting that bad, huh?"

He let out a low growl as he nipped at my skin. A moan was tangled in my throat as he spoke between kisses and bites. "Some bitch... hit one of our docks... stole 10 grand..." he snarled as his teeth dug into my skin, shivers running up and down my spine. "Calls herself 'The Queen'..." His hands were falling down my back, nails digging into my skin, before he pulled on my belt loops, grinding his hips into mine. I let out a moan and felt his grin against my skin. "Let's take this back to my place," but there was a question in his tone, like I would say no to him.

"I'll follow you," I offered and suddenly his body was gone and I heard the roar of his infamous impala as I got into my own car and sped after him.

I parked in front of the large house, pulling in once I was let through the gate. He had a fountain in the middle, beautiful green lawn, huge house. Typical home of someone so high up. But my breath still caught as I looked up at it. It wasn't a mansion, but it was big nonetheless.

I got out and followed Dean up the steps. Once he had locked the door behind him he was on me, pushing me against any surface our bodies found, fingers clawing at my clothes until we were stripped and left in nothing but jeans. He mouthed at the bruises that had started forming from the club's parking lot.

"God, I've missed you," he groaned as I rolled my hips up, rubbing our clothed erections together. He moaned and oh how I had missed those sounds. "I've missed this. I've missed," he groaned as I sucked on his neck. "You, Cas."

"You're the one who left," I growled, my sudden anger fuelling me as I flipped us, pushing him against a wall and biting into his shoulder, my hands roaming over his chest. "You owe me," was all I managed before he hoisted me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist.

"You never bothered looking for me," Dean hissed, equally frustrated at the fact that it had been too long, that we hadn't even spoken let alone seen each other. And he wouldn't have that.

He was my drug and I hadn't had my fix for four years. But now I had him and he pinned me against a door, a door that opened beneath the weight until we tumbled onto a king sized bed, plush and soft as an angel's feather.

"You never called," I replied, digging my nails into his shoulder blades. He hissed and mewled, eyes blown wide with lust and desire and need. "I didn't know where you were, Dean."

"I was busy," was all he said before his fingers were unbuttoning my jeans.

I scoffed. "Busy," and when he tugged earnestly at my jeans, I lifted my hips to help him. "I can see that," but it was muffled because his lips were on mine again. I rolled over on him, taking advantage of the large bed. I pulled back, fire in my eyes and trailed my lips down his torso, biting at his jeans, unzipping and undoing the button, yanking them off and throwing them behind me.

I needed him. It had been too long, and I needed my fix.

"Let me make it up to you," and a genuine smile appeared, an apologetic one that was soon covered by a lustful smirk.

"You've got four years to make up for," I reasoned as I was suddenly pinned down, hands above my head, Dean towering above me, emerald eyes burrowing into mine.

Then his smirk turned predatory, that of a panther as he moved swiftly, removing our boxers until we were bare, skin on skin, and panting into each other's mouths. "Then I better get started."


	4. He Went Out Every Night

I woke up sore and alone. The space next to me was empty and cold. Dean was gone. 

How could I have been so stupid? Did Dean even want me back? Was one night of glorious sex all he wanted from me?

I slowly got up, worries swarming my sleep fogged head, carefully swinging my legs over the bed, wrapping the sheet around my waist. My hips and thighs were sore and my ass was screaming as I stretched. I followed the line of clothes leading out of the bedroom and into the living room. Maybe Dean was still here?

But that was just wishful thinking. I made my way to the kitchen, absently hoping he would be there making coffee. 

He wasn't. 

But there was a note on the table next to a foil covered plate. 

"Something came up. Bring your things in and unpack. I made some pancakes before I left. I know how much you love them.

-D"

"Well, shit," was all I managed. Dean was still here, he still wanted me, he wasn't leaving all over again. All those irrational worries got swept away as I heated up some pancakes, which were as good as Ellen's, if not better. After I ate I made my way back to his massive bedroom, rooting through his drawers for some boxers. His were always a bit big for me, but I found a pair of sweats that he definitely never wore. They fit fine, hanging loose at the hips, which was nice considering the state my ass was in from the night before. 

I brought my bags in and put them in the corner of Dean's bedroom, next to the walk in closet. I took some time to look around the house, making note of the bathrooms and offices and guest bedrooms. 

When I went into one of the marble bathrooms, that's when I noticed all the bruises and red marks on my body. My lower torso and chest were covered in red bite marks and soft bruises. Finger prints were clear as day on my hipbones. The sight made an odd shiver rack my body. It was nice. Knowing Dean marked me up, that I was his and that he knew it. That everyone who saw me would know that I belonged to someone. That I belonged to him. 

When I heard my name from downstairs I practically jumped. 

"Cas?" Dean shouted from the bottom of the stairs. "You here?" It had been several hours since I woke up, well into the afternoon, and Dean finally came home. 

I carefully made my way down the stairs to where Dean was. He didn't look happy. 

"What's wrong?" I asked hesitantly. What could it be now? Was it work? Was he going to tell me he changed his mind and wanted me gone?

"That bitch is what's wrong." I stayed quiet, coming to wrap my arms around his neck as his slid around my waist. He rested his forehead on mine. "The one from last night. She... Five of my guys were gunned down." Dean was quiet for a long moment. The news made an uneasy feeling swarm in my stomach, twisting my gut. If she got to them so easily, who was to say she wouldn't get to Dean? "It happened outside the club." Another pause followed by a prolonged silence. It was starting to worry me. "They were my friends, Cas." He closed his eyes and his breathing was staggered. 

I brought my hand up to his cheek and rubbed my thumb along his bottom lip. I didn't know what to say, but the only thing I could think of that would assure him that I would stay no matter what, left my lips. 

"So what's the plan?" 

I was sitting on the couch while Dean paced before me when the idea hit me. 

"I can help, you know."

Dean stopped and turned his head. "What? No!"

"Dean, you were gone for four years," he winced at the subject, "a lot can happen in four years."

"What's that supposed to mean?" He practically snarled. 

"After you left... I started working with Sam. I kept track of the money. Helped out with other things too. Like over seeing buys and payoffs." Dean just stared at me. "So if you're going to fight back this Abaddon bitch, I'm more than willing to help."

"Cas, I left so you wouldn't have to be caught up in all this."

"Bullshit," I bared my teeth. He didn't leave because of me. He left because of his own shit he had to figure out. 

Dean flinched and returned to pacing. "I don't want you getting caught up in this, babe. You mean too much to me."

"Can we skip the ensuing argument and get to it already?" I didn't want to have to argue over meaningless nothings when I finally had Dean back. 

"She's dangerous, Cas! She killed three of my best friends! I won't let her hurt anyone else. Especially not you." He was running his fingers through his hair wildly.

I stood up and wrapped my arms around his waist, barely resting my chin on his shoulder. "She won't. I promise." Of course I couldn't say that for sure, but I hated seeing Dean like this. He turned his head and I met his lips in a soft kiss. "It's going to be okay, Dean."

"You don't know that, Cas."

"Yes I do." I assured him, kissing one of the bruises I left on his neck. 

"How?" He turned around in my arms, eying me questioningly. "How can you be so sure?"

"Because I love you. I always have. I always will. I never stopped love you Dean. I told you. Till the end of time." And once again I was completely vulnerable to his rejection, completely naked and open and waiting for his dismissal, for him to tell me he didn't feel the same, that he couldn't have that commitment. 

"I know." Was all he whispered before he leaned in to kiss me once more. "We just have to figure this out. Crowley's the real one in charge. It's a partnership, but in the end he calls the shots. And this is war. I can't lose you, Cas. Not again."

"Shh," I cooed, tangling my fingers in his hair. "No matter what you do, I'll be by your side. Okay?"

"Okay."

The weeks after I returned passed by quickly. That's when I remembered that I hadn't called Sam or Jo or even mom. 

"Castiel! Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you find him?" Sam's voice was quick and worried. 

"Calm down. He's out right now doing business. I'm fine. I'm sorry I didn't call sooner, it slipped my mind." It had been two weeks since I left. 

"I'm just glad you're okay. How's uh, how's he doing?" He was worried about Dean, his voice almost hesitant. 

"He's good. Busy, but good." I played with the frayed edge of my sweater. The truth was, Dean was great. The whole Abaddon thing kind of sucked, especially when she'd attack and so many lives were lost. There was a war on the streets, a war for control of the very same streets it was destroying. So far Dean had made it out with only one bullet wound and a few grazes from blades. It still bothered me. But I wasn't about to tell Dean. Or Sam for that matter. "Is Jo around?"

"Yeah, she's right here actually."

"Castiel Emmanuel Novak, where the hell have you been?" She was most definitely not happy. She reminded me of her mother. She was so much like Ellen. 

"Hi," I meagerly replied. 

"Two weeks and all I get it a 'hi'? Not even a 'hello' or a 'hey Jo, sorry I've been a little shit and didn't call making you worried I was dead or something.'"

"You thought I was dead?" That surprised me. 

"How the hell was I supposed to know? You went off chasing after Dean and we don't hear from you for two weeks? What else was I supposed to think?" I really didn't want to argue with her. She would win any fight and it wasn't worth it. 

"I'm safe. Dean's safe. How's mom?"

"You're lucky she hasn't had a heart attack from the panic you stirred up." She paused and I cringed. I hasn't meant for any of this to happen. I just need Dean. And I finally had him. Even if he was always doing business or out most nights. It was worth it. "She's okay. She misses you. We all do. When are you coming back?"

Oh. I hadn't thought about that. "I don't know," was all I managed. "I'm helping Dean out with something." The door creaked open and Dean was carrying two grocery bags. "Speak of the devil..."

"Put me on speaker phone, now Castiel!" She ordered and I didn't dare deny her. I put her on speaker as Dean walked into the kitchen and put the groceries away. "Is he there? Are you there Dean? You mother fucking asshat, you little fucking--" I covered the speaker piece and looked apologetically at Dean. He sighed and sat down with me. "--should know better. How dare you drag Castiel all the way out there. Have you any idea what you've done? How you've made me feel? How you made mom feel? Sam feel?"

"Jo, calm down, it's okay." Sam's voice cut in. 

"He's a dick that--" 

"Jo," Sam stopped her and she hiffed out a sigh. 

"This isn't over Dean. If you get Castiel hurt, so help me I will put the fear of God in you." Dean looked at me confused. He also looked a bit worried. 

"I would never let anything happen to him. You of all people know that." I didn't know what he meant by that, but it caused a warm flutter to start up behind my ribs. 

"Dean?" An apprehensive voice sounded. Sam seemed hesitant and a little scared. "How... Why did..."

"Sammy," Dean's voice was suddenly soft and full of emotion. One look and I left him to talk with his brother. 

After he hung up, he joined me on the bed and wrapped his arms around me, bringing me in for a deep kiss. 

"You seem pretty alright for what just went down." I smirked at him, putting down the book I had been reading. His smirk outweighed mine as he pinned my hands down and kissed my neck, leaning above me. 

"I'm doing great." It was muffled by his teeth nipping at my skin. I bit my lip but not before a low moan escaped my throat. "How about you Cas? You doing good?" He pushed his hips into mine playfully. He wasn't hard but he was in a good mood. 

"Depends..." I wanted to know why Dean was so... Enthusiastic at the moment. 

"I got a call. Looks like I won't have to go in tonight. That means you've got me all to yourself." His smirk turned genuine and the softest trace of emotion clouded his eyes as he leaned down for a gentle kiss. "You've got me. I'm not going anywhere." He knew how important those words were for me to hear. Maybe if he said it enough I would start believing it.


	5. But When You Walked Out the Door

Then the fight happened. 

I was sitting at the kitchen table, eying the clock, tapping my fingers on the granite table, waiting for Dean. He had been gone for the better half of the day and it was reaching 2 am. He was supposed to be home at 11.

All the times he'd been caught up he'd called or came home no later than an hour after he was supposed to. He had been planning to strike Abaddon's dock while she was getting in a shipment. What the shipment was, we didn't know. 

That was hours ago. They had been at war with the devil called The Queen for months now. I hated how Dean would come home angry or upset because another friend was dead in the street. I hated the thought of him retaliating and returning the favour. 

When the door finally opened, Dean came stumbling in with a white blood stained bandage covering his left shoulder and a bruising eye, dried blood on his lip.

"Dean--" I started but he stopped me. 

"Not now, Cas." He slammed the door and headed to the bathroom. 

"Dean," I began again, softer this time, but he wouldn't listen. 

"Not. Now." He said through gritted teeth. 

"Yes, now." I said in a slightly demanding tone. 

"Cas, stop. I can't do this right now."

"And why not?" I snapped. He had been gone more nights than he was at home with me. And that hurt. Having him so close but so far was starting to dig at my heart. I loved him with everything I had, but that meant that I cared with everything I had. And he didn't seem bothered in the least. Half the time I thought he was dead or crossing lines he would never cross. But apparently he crossed one of those lines tonight, if the blood staining his hands was anything to go by.

"Because she killed Benny!" He yelled. I knew Benny was like a brother to Dean, and the fact that he had died hit me hard as well. He had been a good friend to the both of us. I couldn't believe it. 

"No," I murmured, shocked. 

"Yes," he growled as he turned to the bathroom. I grabbed him by the wrist and spun him around. 

"I'm sorry about Benny, I really am. He was good to you. To us. But Dean, this has gone on long enough." I had to put my foot down. 

"She killed him!" He barked at me, fire in his eyes and my knees were shaking but I had to continue. 

"Exactly! Dean, what's next? Who's next? You? Me? Sam? She's got contacts everywhere. You don't know how much power she really has." And he didn't. He had said it more than once and the whole business had started getting to me. I wanted to have a life with Dean, settle down and make an honest living. But half the time I didn't know if he was going to come home or not. 

"Don't you talk like that, not you Cas," he turned on his heels and I let go of his wrist, following him into our bedroom. "I have to take her down. If she even touched you, hell if she even thought of touching you, I would kill her where she stood. And that's exactly what I intend on doing."

"What has gotten into you!?" I practically cried. "You don't kill people, Dean."

"She isn't people. She isn't human. She's a monster."

"And how does killing her make you any better?" The words were out before I could stop them. Dean froze with his back to me. 

"Don't say that," it was barely above a whisper, his voice so low and hurt, chills racked my spine. I could hear the tears swelling in his eyes. 

"But it's the truth," I urged him. He needed to know how I felt about this. And so help me God if I was going to stand around and let him run amuck ruining himself. 

"Stop," he warned but I barely heard him. 

"Dean, what about us? If you went and got yourself killed... I wouldn't know what to do." The thought alone put tears in my eyes. "I can't lose you. Not after I've finally gotten you back." He shifted his weight and started over to his dresser. "Dean, this has gone far enough. I can't stand the thought of you bleeding in the streets with no one knowing, with me not knowing, not able to help, not able to do anything but let you die."

"Then I'll just have to not die," it was simple enough but something in his voice frightened me. It sounded like he had given up. Like he didn't care anymore. 

"Dean... What are you saying?" There was something else behind his words, something I couldn't place. 

"She's killed so many people I know and love. I'm not letting her get you too. I can promise you that. I'd rather die than lose you." 

His words hit me like a ton of bricks and I stumbled backwards. Was he really willing to die just to save me? I wouldn't have that, I would not let him die on my watch. I wouldn't let him die period. 

"No one is dying," I tried but my voice cracked, betraying me. 

"She is, I can promise you that."

"Don't talk like that."

"If you don't like it, then you can leave." 

I was silent, his words echoing in my head. Did he really mean that? Did he want me gone? Was that what this was all about? Driving me away?

"Dean... You don't mean that--"

"Look into my eyes and tell me I'm lying." He spun around, a single year along down his cheek. There was fire on his eyes and pain and resignation. The worst part was he wasn't lying. "If you don't leave, I will." And with that, he grabbed his jacket and stormed out of the room, faster than I could process his words. By the time I opened my mouth to speak he was slamming the front door, leaving me all alone, broken and abandoned. 

Again.


	6. Stole You Out of My Life

I was falling backwards, finding the couch in time before my ass landed on the ground. 

This wasn't happening. This couldn't be happening. 

Dean was not leaving me. Not again. 

He was upset. He was simply in a bad place I pushed him too far. 

But he needed to be pushed. He needed to know that I couldn't handle this forever no matter how much I loved him. But he made his choice. And that thought left me raw and reeling, tears falling down my face. 

That's when the phone rang. Part of me hoped it was Dean, a big part of me. The other hoped it was Sam or Jo to help tell me what I did wrong. 

But it was neither. 

"Well, hello, Castiel Novak." A woman's voice came through the line, staticky and smooth. 

"Who's this?" I was on guard the moment I didn't recognize the voice. 

"A friend of Dean's." I had met most of Dean's friend, the only girls being Meg and Ruby. And this woman was neither. "I'm told you're also a friend? Am I right?"

"How did you get this number?" I didn't want Dean to get hurt if that was the point of the call, s evading questions with questions was all I could do. 

"Oh, hush. I need you to answer a question for me." The woman continued. I said nothing. "How well do you really know Dean Winchester?"

"Well enough." And I hung up. I wouldn't play her games. And there was only one person I could think it would be. 

Abaddon. 

Three days and Dean hadn't called or texted or even stopped by the house. I was getting worried. Sam told me he'd come around, that if Dean Winchester was anything, it was stubborn. 

But that phone call kept bugging me. 

Why would Abaddon call me? Why would she bring up Dean? Was she trying to turn me against him? Impossible. Nothing, nothing on Heaven and Earth and Hell could make me turn against the man I loved. And that was fact. 

On the fifth day there was a knock on the door. I held my breath but before I could open the door, a body crashed through. It was Dean. 

"Cas," he started. He seemed relieved to see me. He gathered me in a tight hug, barely letting me breathe. "Cas, I'm so sorry. Did she get you? Are you hurt?" Panic crept into his voice. 

"Who? I'm fine Dean. Physically anyway." He only squeezed me tighter. 

"I got a call saying you were in trouble at the house. I was already on my way over to apologize but I came as fast as I could." He pulled away and searched my eyes. "I thought she had you."

"Who?" I was confused now, Dean wasn't making sense. 

"Abaddon." Realization struck and my eyes widened. 

"She called me." I recalled. 

"What did she say?" His voice turned serious as his face stoned. 

"She asked me how well I really knew you. I said well enough and then hung up. That was days ago." He seemed to relax, but his arms tightened around me more. 

"I thought I was going to lose you." I barely heard him. But I caught it and met his lips for a barely there kiss. 

"I apologize for what I said, Dean." I mumbled quietly. 

"Don't. It was my fault. I should have listened to you. I was angry and blind and I'm sorry, Cas." He nestled his face into my neck and I could feel wet tears on my shoulder. 

"It's okay, Dean. I'm here. I'm safe. You're safe." I tried to comfort him and it started working. I brushed his cheek with my thumb and he leaned into the touch, his lips seeking mine for forgiveness. 

There was a banging on the door and loud noises outside it. 

"Police! Open up! You are surrounded!"

I stared at Dean wide-eyed. He stared back. 

And at the same time we knew who had set him up. 

"Abaddon."


	7. You Just Need to Remember

They took him away, much to my struggle while he kept saying everything was going to be okay. But it wasn't. Abaddon got him behind bars. The only hope was bail. But I didn't know his charges and there really wasn't much chance of it. 

I called Sam immediately, filling him in. Next I called Ruby. She would know what to do. 

"Shit," was all she responded with after I explained the situation. "Dean's got some friends inside, so he should make bail. But it's gonna be pricey. But he can afford it. I can crack his safe and get you the money--"

"Ruby," I started, not liking the idea so much. 

"It's either that or lose him again. Your choice." 

The next day there was a knock at the door. I foolishly thought it was Ruby, and I had never been more wrong. 

I was shoved up against the wall by a bulky man. He had a knife to my throat and I didn't dare move. That's when I heard the click clack of high heels and caught the first glimpse of red curls. 

"Abaddon," I hissed. 

"Pleasure," she grinned. "How's little ol' Dean doing? You know I hear they have him on three accounts of murder. First degree too."

Lies. "Dean would never kill anyone." Except you, and know I wish he had. 

"Oh, don't be too sure Cassie. He'll be made someone's bitch sooner or later."

"Don't talk about him like that, you bitch!" I growled as the knife dug into my neck. 

"Watch your language. There are ladies present." She chuckled as she cocked her eyebrows. 

"You're no lady," I spat. 

"And little mister faggot would know?" The bitch. It wasn't the word that bothered me, but the power she put behind the word. The faux disgust. 

I full on growled, quickly kneeing the man in the stomach, turning him around and slamming his head against the wall, snaking his gun as he fell unconscious to the ground. I turned to face Abaddon, gun cocked, but she was gone. 

Bail was set a few days later and Ruby got me the money. I made a trip to the police station, paying Dean's bail, and when I finally saw him, a rush of relief travelled through my body. 

"Cas!" He all but yelled as he scooped me up in his arms. "I thought I'd never see you again. How'd you get the money?"

"It's yours." I simply stated, a small smile curving my lips. 

"You didn't answer the question." He snickered as he kissed my lips gently. 

"Ruby."

"Remind me to thank her before I kick her ass, okay?" I smiled at his joy of being out. It had only been a few days, but he already had fresh cuts on his arms and cheeks. "The guys aren't so cheery inside." He smirked as we gathered his belongings and headed out the door. 

"I'm glad you're okay, Dean." I bit my lip. This Abaddon threat was all too real and it was really starting to get to me. 

"You wanna know a secret?" He continued grinning as he pulled me in to his hip. "I'm getting out."

"What?" I whirled around to face him. "Are you serious?" I couldn't believe it. Dean was getting out. We could start a new life, be our own family, see Sam and Jo and mom again. We could start over, start fresh, together. 

"You're the most important thing, Cas. And I'd give anything to have you. I love--"

His words were cut off with a whizzing sound and a sharp inhale of breath, then a shout, and a scream. 

I was suddenly on the ground, pain shooting through my abdomen, something wet seeping into my clothes. I started coughing, coughing on something wet and thick and metallic. 

I looked up to see Dean's face covered in anger and fear and worry. I tried to reach up my hand to assure him I was fine, but then I heard another voice, low and rough. 

"The Queen sends her regards," and that was followed by the sound of burning rubber as a car sped away. 

Dean held me tight and I was only slightly confused. I looked up into his watery green eyes and he kissed my forehead, murmuring soft reassurances that everything would be fine. 

The last thing I heard was Dean whispering between tears, "Till he end of time."

And then everything faded away and my vision was taken over by a black abyss of nothingness.


	8. Till the End of Time

And that's everything I remember. 

Everything is black. But I can hear things sometimes. Sometimes I can hear Dean whispering in my ear or talking to other voices drifting around about me. 

When I do manage to open my eyes, I'm met with a bright light flickering above my head. It stings and I wince as I gain my sight. 

And Dean's there, holding my hand, looking out the window. He takes a heavy breath and rests his head in his hand before turning towards the bed, face down, muttering nonsense. 

I muster up enough strength and squeeze his hand ever so gently. 

His head snaps up and a look of joy mixing with relief crosses his face. He opens his mouth to say something, but flounders. I feel my lips tilt up in a small smile, just happy to have him here. 

But where is "here"?

There's a heavy downpour outside, the sound of rain sliding down the window panes and beating against the roof. I can hear the beeping of machines, steady and rhythmic. I look down at the bed and the sterilized green sheets and slowly it registers. 

Hospital. 

"Dean," my voice sounds hoarse and unused. His lips twitch in an almost smile as he squeezes my hand. 

"Hey, Cas," he whispers. His other hand finds my cheek and his thumb brushes soothingly against my skin. I lean into the touch, closing my eyes only to return to sad watery greens. 

"Dean..."

"Sorry," he chuckles softly, tucking away some of my hair. His touches are so gentle and sweet. It's almost worrying. 

Almost. 

"What do, uh," he clears his throat, "what do you remember?" It pains him to ask and I tilt my head slightly, confused, thinking over everything. 

"I got you out," I think carefully, a smile ghosting across my lips, "and you were so happy..." I wrinkle my nose as a dull sense of what came next overtakes my body. "And then... Pain. Shooting pain and... And blood." And that's all I can really provide for him. 

"You lost a lot of blood, Cas.... You fell into a coma...." He trails off and lowers his gaze. 

"How long?" Is all I can think to ask. 

"Three months," his voice wavers and his hands hold tightly to mine. "I'm so sorry, Cas. If I hadn't have--"

"Dean," I stop him, slowly sitting up and turning towards him. "Don't."

He meets my gaze, his eyes full of guilt and fear and worry. 

"I'm okay now. It's okay... We're okay." I try and reassure him and he gives a small nod. 

He's silent for a long moment. "I got out." A smile spills across his lips as he looks so hopefully to me. "I'm out Cas. For good."

And that is all I need to hear for now. I can talk to Mom and Sam and Jo later. Right now all I want is Dean.

I tug gently on his hands and he gets the idea, leaning in to meet my lips for a barely there kiss. I pull him closer and we fit on the small bed, Dean holding me in his arms, as his fingers entertains with mine. 

"There was something else," he looks confused but I continue. "You were saying something," something he rarely ever said, "before...."

Another long pause, but this one is filled with emotion, raw and thick. "I love you, Cas," he tightens his lips into a line, trying to blink back tears. 

I love hearing those words, I haven't heard them enough. I look over and meet his gaze. "Till the end of time?"

He nods with a chuckle, leaning in and kissing my forehead, whispering his reply against my skin, "Yah, baby. Till the end of time."

**Author's Note:**

> This is heavily based off of Lane Del Rey's song "Blue Jeans".
> 
> This is my fic, but I do not take credit for the characters of Supernatural or the heavy inspiration and dialogue of "Blue Jeans"


End file.
